What a HOOT

Yesterday marks the 10 years it's been since I've been in my hometown, Davenport, IA.
In my back seat buick cell, I rode 8 hours with my brother and dad north to Iowa from Joplin. He's up here for his 40 year high school class reunion and he's been having more fun than ever!
We dropped him off at that to have some drinks with old friends, and Jon and I went bar hopping everywhere.
Mississippi I've missed you!!!


It's been such a good trip, away from all the misery in missouri.
Here's the house that I grew up in

It's haunting to see my past still here and alive!
They took out our old swingset :(

It's so great having deactivated my facebook I HAVE SO MUCH FREEDOM!
Speaking of freedom, let's take our government back. Let's take our country back. Just a side note.
I'd like to thank my family and few friends for showing me that it's good to get out of the house.
Don't give a hoot, but have a hoot.



Love,
-andypants

Hope

A seed floating in the wind with no direction
Slowly fading away, it has no protection
Lands on the bank but sees no reflection
A choice must be made, life's intersection

Grow into a tree or fade into the past
Soar like an eagle, this spring may be it's last
A decision must be made before the dead of night
Is it time to lie down and die, or is it time to fight

It made the right choice and decided to grow
But wasn't its choice to make, of this it did not know
Already determined the seed would never be a tree
It dreams of a better life but hope is all it will ever be

This place "sucks"

Today my parents are vacuuming the entire house. Turns out they have more than one vacuum! The amount of suction going on above my head while I lay restless in the basement is frightening. I can hear dustmites screaming for help, and oh no, here comes the rug doctor. I'll throw the funeral right after my pity party.

Let's talk about Joplin, Missouri for a brief second.
It's like a smelly kid in class holding the door open for you. It's a nice thought, but you just want to get through as fast as possible.
That's where I am, and it's where most of my friends are not.
It's where my ex is.
Where I don't want to be.
I'm not even going to bring up meth...

But life has been blessed!
I love the ups and downs I face, they keep me challenged and hopeful.
I'm thankful for the friends I do still have, and my newfound joy for blueberry bagels.

Joplin-I love you, but you beat kittens.

Be On Your Guard

Last night I had a dream that I was being chased around town by all sorts of fearful figures, and at some point a voice said "be on your guard against the enemy," later in the dream I met a lovely girl who said her name was Satan, and even though that name worried me, she was welcoming and beautiful. She looked trusting, but offered me a drink that she had put something in, and it made me afraid and refused to take it. Ha it was really something else. I woke up and found this-Peter 5:8-9.

An attitude of gratitude

I'm so blessed to know that more people are following me on twitter! I have enough oddities to write about in my daily life to keep my friends posted. I thank you, stalkers :)

May God Be Your Broom

Do you know that feeling you have right after you accidentally step on a piece of chex mix or a piece of cereal on the floor?
That feeling you get for a split second of misery-that you've just made a huge mistake?
But after that you realize that things are ok, because its just a cheerio and can be cleaned up.
Yeah I just did that.
It made me think about life.
And how I think about it way too deep sometimes.
Somehow, that's me.
That's you.
That's us.
That broken piece of cereal is our mistakes, our flaws, and it's nothing that can't be cleaned up.
I've been enlightened.
It's funny how God can talk to us through such simple things.
I also know that I'm not God!
Therefore, I'll leave the mess for one of the roommates.
I hope that doesn't make them feel CRUMMY!



May God be your broom.
-andypants

Track 4: Words

Words, oh words,
Please pull me under,
and fill my lungs with all your wonder.
Raise my voice,
to sing it louder,
that we be not alone, but everlasting.
-andyhaut

I left Joplin in August in search for myself, and I've seemed to have found too much of just that.

Me.

All I've been is me. I get too caught up in what I ought to be, or what I think others want of me; I beat myself up about it.
Feelings rushed my heart the first month I lived here in Springfield. Feelings of anxiety and stress, but at the same time wonder and excitement.
...my thoughts were quite tragic sometimes though.
My heart misguided by earthly desire, and envy of the successful.

I couldn't see God, because I've been in the way.

As for love:
And how do I seek a girl?
I know not how to walk by faith, or by sight,
For that alone is up to faith.
Timing is the distraction.
Oh love, you pull at my heart.
Do you guide me to what is right?
Who's to be the judge?
Are words enough to guide me?
If such is true, let me not fall short of their meaning.
May they submerge me and fill my lungs with their light.
May such a God-given gift overflow within my heart,
and let me then pursue such love, but only then.
-andyhaut

Timing is everything, but means nothing.
It holds urgency, but not destruction.

When love beckons, what are we to do?
Rush in blindly, or be guided by patience?

Oh, love, you light up the night, just like the moon.
and though sometimes I only get a sliver of you,
I'm hoping for a full moon soon.

Be true, be you, do what you do,
I have to poo.
-andy

What value does love hold if it isn't shared?

Dear Spring,

I've been limited.
My roots held with ice,
As of gloves, coats, blankets...
I've asked of warmth of these.
But I'd forsake them all for your sweet kiss.
You dream of dewdrops,
You sing of orchids white,
You breathe.
You sweep wind of new life unto the Earth as fireflies in the garden of Autumn.
You bring the beggars of the city a sigh of relief.
Of Hope.
Oh, please bring us joy in the morning finch.
And of the flowers bring us growth,
And of the growth bring us height enough to reach our Father's stars,
So that we may desire, ask, believe, receive.
Dearly beloved, may we be free.
From the shackles of language,
May we be free.
From our dimly lit path of such vision we seek,
May we be free.
From the crust of our knowledge of measurable time,
May we be free.
For your sweet release is more precious than jewels.
May we be free.
-andyhaut

Just a thought.

Look at the clouds as they roll; as they cry for us.
Look at the stars as they glorify their creator.
...as they guide us through the night, they shine for us.
Look at the trees of the forests.
..they grow mighty and free for us.
Look to the sunlight as it pours upon the Earth.
Is it not but a most beautiful source?
Oh, and how great it is to witness the most beautiful dance in creation,
As the moon dances among the stars!!
These are few of what keep me strong.
What's a little financial trouble here and there?
What's a little pain and heartache?
Is it not all worth the gift of birth?
:)

We are here.
Now.
How beautiful is this place?
Are we not SO blessed?
We inhabit the earth
God's earth.
So here we are, on such sacred ground.

Let us not be afraid to open our hearts.
To share our love.
For what value does love hold if it isn't shared?

Just a thought.
Your friend, Andy.

Leap.

There's something mysterious about the month of February.
It sort of sets up the following months for summer-in Missouri at least. It brings those last few weeks of snow and ice to an end and brings about tree buds, the small peach fuzz of grass, and the sweet aroma of warmth as the midwest takes off its winter coat.
At a time like this you can't help but to strive for new growth and wisdom.
A fresh start.

In the past few months I've taken up street performing.
Every Friday and Saturday night I lug my guitar downtown to the town square of Springfield and find a nice solid and busy place to plop down and sing.
I see demographics ranging from the homeless to the drunks, from pub-crawling college kids to street evangelists.
It's a wide plethora of beautiful people, all to share my creativity with.
Some nights I'm tipped well, others not so much. But regardless, I bring home a warm heart because I'm finally living and loving what I do.
I'm not sure what this will bring me, but the experiences I have out there last me a lifetime.

I've been inspired to leap, and surely the net WILL appear.
Take risks.
Adventure out of your comfort zone.
If you seek something strongly you'll find it.



What do you want?
Reach and grab it.

-andy

Sat her day

I have a down comforter on my bed, and every morning my movement stirs up many small feathers that have snuck out of it.
I feel like I'm in some sort of romantic/fantasy movie with the sunlight pouring through my window and the feathers floating through its golden beams.
It's truly a remarkable experience.

Insomnia has been the girl in my life these days.
She's kept me up through some of the later hours of the morning, which is fine by her, but not by me.
To counter her selfishness I've been taking an herbal supplement called Valerian Root.
Other than the fact it smells like gym socks, this root has been used for thousands of years by the greeks for a sleep aid.
It's also great for anxiety as well!
You can get this magical stuff over the counter at most any local grocery that sells supplements.
Highly recommended.

To the drunk people on the square last night-thank you for the generous tip you gave me.
I know you probably didn't realize how much you were giving me, I'm surprised you could find your wallet.
I hope the song and a half I played for you, standing in the cold was worth it.

I'm off to pick up a cello and learn to play.
You're loved,
-andyhaut

Short; sweet.

Develop interest in life as you see it; in people, things, literature, music-the world is so rich, simply throbbing with rich treasures, beautiful souls and interesting people. Forget yourself.

Waking In A Winter Wonderland

If only I knew how old the house I currently reside in REALLY is before I signed the lease, I may have had more questions about its previous winter conditions.

THIS is the condition of our sink/countertop.



Not that it's ever clean or anything, but in this particular moment in time the dishes cannot be cleaned.
Due to our ancient plumbing, our pipes have frozen, leaving us waterless.

Option #1:
An over-sized redbull placed strategically under the heating vents in hopes we can produce enough water to flush the toilet with.
Though environmental-friendly, this energy capsule is a cooler. Cooler=slow.



Option #2:
Store bought.


Handy, cheap, but something mother earth doesn't deserve.

Our best/most efficient option-Friends.
The best people to have around.
Thank you to all I've bugged for a washer, shower, or lovely conversation.

Here's a diagram I've drawn on a paper plate:
It portrays how our heating system works.




As you can see, we have a big empty space under our house which holds a lot of cold air.
This is also where the water pipes are located. What an intelligent design..
Our heating vents are located on our ceiling, as far away from our bodies as they can be.
In order to enjoy the comfort of central heating, one must be completely vertical and will only be warm from the chest up (location may vary with height).
If you are on the couch, you will feel no heat whatsoever, for the cold air rising and the warm air descending meet in the middle of the room creating a scientific phenomenon.



So dearest friends,
Remember that you're not alone in these cold times, and when winter does end we will truly see that the sun is always brighter.
May you have a lovely winter,
Stay warm,
and bundle up.



With love, driving to the gas station to poop,
-andypants

Plane now boarding for 2010, please leave all baggage behind

How blessed are we that we get to see ANOTHER new year!?

Kisses and cake for everyone!

As we explore the endless possibilities for this new year let's take our vows,

and may we keep focus on what is truly important to us.
Let it not be money or pride, regret or hatred.

Let this year be filled with equality and joy, forgiveness and acceptance.

We're all in this together, to help our brothers and sisters off the ground.

I hope you'll strive for joy in each and ever conversation you have, and take every opportunity you're handed as a new blessing.

This year WILL be a start of new and beautiful things!
Enlightenment.
Peace.
Faith.
New communication.
Less time on the phone, and more time in person.
I thought I'd share with you a piece of 2009 with you via video.
...call it an INNERview if you will.. :D



Thank you for your support and for sharing your love with me and your friends.
May all your wishes and resolutions be kept and come true this year.

We hope you enjoy your stay here in 2010, thank you for choosing the new and improved planet Earth :)

In Joy Your Day,
-andyhaut

Free

The first track of my new cd starts with this:

"Today's the day that I will make a conversion
Feels like the perfect time to push out a smile"

There's absolutely nothing better than that moment when you're finally comfortable in your own skin.
When tomorrow doesn't matter, and when the things you've done have passed and been accepted.
You can't help but to sit back, relax, and put on your favorite song.

Learn to make yourself so happy, you want to cry.
That first step is to let love in.

Another 5 am blog gives me just this.

I see the sun stretching toward the treeline, and it's more than happy to see me this morning.
The feeling is mutual.

The birds sing in the morning because they can't be more excited for the new day. They're so happy that they can fly to the furthest reaches of the sky, and watch over all the earth. They are guardian angels.

I see it this morning as one sings outside my window. She is beautiful, perfect in design.

Some would say that I don't have a lot of money. I don't have an incredibly fancy car, or a killer job. I'm unlucky in love, not the coolest kid on the block, and am not famous by any means.

But to me, it's different. I have enough money to support my body with the nourishment it needs. I have enough money to be generous enough to others at any given moment; whether it be a tip at a restaurant, or just helping out another. I have enough money to provide some sort of shelter from the weather. To me, I'm the richest there could be. I went to high school with a couple of musicians who are now rich and famous, touring the U.S. I also went to high school with another girl who spends her time painting. She's not big and famous, she's not rich, but she couldn't ask for more. She's the happiest girl I know, because she's in love with life.

The fact that I can get in a machine and transport myself across the country in a matter of days gives me extraordinary super powers.

I'm not in a codependent relationship. But I know what love feels like, and even if I never find love again, and thankful to have experienced it at all.

I guess what I'm saying is there's so much more to the little things than we could ever know.

So as you wake this morning, tomorrow morning, or any morning for that matter, lets do this together.

Lets stretch, breathe in the best breath you've ever taken, and smile.
Today, you're a millionaire.
Today you have wings.
Today you can bring out the best in someone else.
Today you can let the little things go.
Today you can know that someone cares about you.
Because I'm so happy you're here today. You might not see it, but so many people around you are too. Make a plan to let others know the same today. Let them know you care they're here.

Be you.
Be free!!!

Whatever you hold in your mind will tend to occur in your life. If you continue to believe as you have always believed, you will continue to act as you have always acted. If you continue to act as you have always acted, you will continue to get what you have always gotten. If you want different results in your life or your work, all you have to do is change your mind.

What would you do if you couldn't fail?
Because I've got news-you can't =)

-AndyHaut

I thank you sadness, you bring out the best in me

This is what I look like at 5am.



I'm on top of the world this morning!
Not because of any advantage other than the sunrise waking me to share its beauty.
I was blessed with the feeling of sadness last night.
To be the 3rd wheel on a date and see the joy between two other people is wonderful, but a feeling I miss oh so much.

I do miss the kind of love a couple share.

But I acknowledge that any previous feelings I've had of the matter no longer exist. I must create new feelings, and new experiences.

I suppose time will find me when it must.

I surrendered my heart to the night last night and fell into the sunrise with a magic so extravagant.

Just to awake with the feeling of most significance and wonder, for I've lived another day, and I'm here.

Today.

Given the chances of being born and able to live here on earth, I was one of the chosen to
live how I want to, freely.

Everything around me is perfect.

I may be unlucky in love, but I'm most fortunate in individuality, and I love the fact that I'm here this morning is perfect.

My friends, today is July 10th, 2009. This day will never ever ever come again. Make today YOUR day. Be crazy!
Do something wonderful!
You are here.

This is what I look like today, and I'm trying not to pull out my hair

My body deceives me on a daily basis.
I'll most likely go blind by the age of 25, due to the morning routine of rubbing my eyes.
Allergies.
Turns out I'm allergic to procrastination.
And I think its the best thing thats ever happened to me.
I know just when to make a change.

The most recent act of spontaneity was the decision to take the drive to KC and see the ever so talented Conor Oberst & his Mystic Valley Band. I took the drive shirtless; I thought I'd work on my driver's tan. The woman taking the $5 for parking agreed, it was coming along quiiiiiite well.

I talked to Michael Runion last night (the opening act for Conor Oberst) and was glad to hear his advice about what needs to be done on my part in order to pursuit a career in music. His advice put me one step closer to "getting out and doing it." His words were "Man when I started I was living in a little town in northeastern California, and I just had to move to LA where the venues were. I met the guys from the Mystic Valley Band and jumped on the tour. For sure, Andy, go out there and get shit done."

That was the first day of my life.
Too bad the new one comes with the same allergies.

The drive home from KC this morning was a sweaty one.
Another drivers tan.
Cold War Kids keeping the rhythm of the road.
Another bottle full of hot water in the passenger seat.
Another stuffy nose conquered by the 2001 Taurus sweatbox.



There's nothing that the road cannot heal.

As I told twitter on my way north
"Windows down, driving 85 listening to white stripe's Icky Thump, wearing no shirt. Sometimes it feels damn good being trashy."

I am from space.
-AndyHaut

Free

The first track of my new cd starts with this:

"Today's the day that I will make a conversion
Feels like the perfect time to push out a smile"

There's absolutely nothing better than that moment when you're finally comfortable in your own skin.
When tomorrow doesn't matter, and when the things you've done have passed and been accepted.
You can't help but to sit back, relax, and put on your favorite song.

Learn to make yourself so happy, you want to cry.
That first step is to let love in.

Another 5 am blog gives me just this.

I see the sun stretching toward the treeline, and it's more than happy to see me this morning.
The feeling is mutual.

The birds sing in the morning because they can't be more excited for the new day. They're so happy that they can fly to the furthest reaches of the sky, and watch over all the earth. They are guardian angels.

I see it this morning as one sings outside my window. She is beautiful, perfect in design.

Some would say that I don't have a lot of money. I don't have an incredibly fancy car, or a killer job. I'm unlucky in love, not the coolest kid on the block, and am not famous by any means.

But to me, it's different. I have enough money to support my body with the nourishment it needs. I have enough money to be generous enough to others at any given moment; whether it be a tip at a restaurant, or just helping out another. I have enough money to provide some sort of shelter from the weather. To me, I'm the richest there could be. I went to high school with a couple of musicians who are now rich and famous, touring the U.S. I also went to high school with another girl who spends her time painting. She's not big and famous, she's not rich, but she couldn't ask for more. She's the happiest girl I know, because she's in love with life.

The fact that I can get in a machine and transport myself across the country in a matter of days gives me extraordinary super powers.

I'm not in a codependent relationship. But I know what love feels like, and even if I never find love again, and thankful to have experienced it at all.

I guess what I'm saying is there's so much more to the little things than we could ever know.

So as you wake this morning, tomorrow morning, or any morning for that matter, lets do this together.

Lets stretch, breathe in the best breath you've ever taken, and smile.
Today, you're a millionaire.
Today you have wings.
Today you can bring out the best in someone else.
Today you can let the little things go.
Today you can know that someone cares about you.
Because I'm so happy you're here today. You might not see it, but so many people around you are too. Make a plan to let others know the same today. Let them know you care they're here.

Be you.
Be free!!!

Whatever you hold in your mind will tend to occur in your life. If you continue to believe as you have always believed, you will continue to act as you have always acted. If you continue to act as you have always acted, you will continue to get what you have always gotten. If you want different results in your life or your work, all you have to do is change your mind.

What would you do if you couldn't fail?
Because I've got news-you can't =)

-AndyHaut

Always Looking Up

It came to me in a dream last night that the stars will shine on us if we let them.
If we open ourselves up to them, they will shine their light into us to give to the rest of the world.

To power the most immovable objects.

As we walk out on a clear night, we see them shake, dance and burst with longing to show us their messages from within.
For me they spoke with such urgency, but yet so peacefully.

With words..oh such words to behold "Never borrow from the future. If you worry about what may happen tomorrow and it doesn't happen, you have worried in vain. Even if it does happen, you have to worry twice."

I woke with an entire new agenda for life; earth is but a place not in need of change, but of renew.

My lack of caffeine has prolonged a better dream. And if I'm to go to bed on time, I may wake up to a new day with time unrushed, and full of magnitude.

I must settle for what I've got, and say no to projects that won't fit into my time schedule, or that will compromise my mental health.

Never again will I clutter my days or nights with so many menial and unimportant things that I have no time to accept a real challenge when it comes along. A day merely survived is no cause for celebration. We're not here to fritter away our precious hours when we have the ability to accomplish so much by making a slight change in our routine. No more busy work. No more hiding from success. We must leave time, leave space, to grow.

A forgiving attitude means the WORLD to our generation; most people are doing the best they can. To forgive is the highest, most beautiful form of love. In return, you will receive untold peace and happiness.

Being kind to unkind people can and WILL change us for the good. You will emit the most beautiful light that will radiate through your lips.
You will welcome the sun as your own.

If we were to sit on our ego for just a brief moment, we would feel the most cool and refreshing breeze against our skin.
As the mist of our eternal sea cools our hot-headedness, we'd know then that we are in no need to wear that mask.

As I lie on my back I'm not looking up, but looking out at the universe-one of which I take in mind I'm not the general manager of. I'm stuck to the side of this planet, only able to be stoked on gravity.

Each star in the sky had something to give me. I was an open vessel just waiting to absorb.

I found peace with my pillow.
Right next to a piece of gum I'd forgotten to make peace with.
But in this, I was far from a sticky situation.

Good morning, starshine. The earth says hello.

Stoked On Gravity

Today was a day different from most I've had in the past few years. A certain attentiveness in the air; something that stays on you and makes you feel aware of your surroundings. It was probably just my sweat. It was rather hot today in Jtown.

Little or no breeze.

I miss her dearly. I dropped her off last Thursday and I've yet to see her. She's blistering in the heat of the gravel parking lot, most likely holding the now melted collection of CD's, and has left no bacteria to survive. She holds in the summer heat like a Hot Pocket. We try to enjoy but end up in deception of her burn. The hot-pocket-lava is to the seatbelt buckle touching your neck. I've been cheating on her with dad's buick.

On a drive to hastings today I saw some of the most inspiring words ever written by anyone. It was a man on the corner of 7th st. and Murphey Blvd. holding a cardboard sign that read "Anything would help. Even-A-Smile. God Bless You." This got me. Any money I was about to spend on music or anything else in the store seemed criminal. I couldn't even concentrate on browsing the selections the store had to offer after seeing the magnificent stranger.

I left my cupidity at the curb and bought him the biggest bottle of water I could find, and gave it to him thanking him for his positive attitude. It's people like him that spread joy in love on even the hottest days of summer. "Even A Smile."

The drive home left me in a world of ponder. Today I felt more alive than I had in a long time.

This life is it.

It's all we have. I'm not denying an afterlife by any means, but our earthly life is it.
We need to EMBRACE our moments of sadness, despair, heartbreak and fear, for they are the moments that show us what happiness really is. Without them, happiness doesn't exist.

I'm only thankful that gravity keeps me on the ground with the people I know.
I'm stuck on earth with the most intelligent beings in creation.
I'm stuck here with people to love, and learn from.
I'm stuck here to develop courage.
I'm stoked on gravity.

Here's a memorable quote from the movie "Charlie Bartlett" to take with you:
"Charlie Bartlett: I just think you're missing the big picture.
Kip Crombwell: What big picture?
Charlie Bartlett: The universe.
Kip Crombwell: What about the universe?
Charlie Bartlett: Well, the universe is a pretty big place.
Kip Crombwell: Yea. It's infinite, theoretically.
Charlie Bartlett: Right, which means there's probably life on other planets.
Kip Crombwell: Not life like we think, but yeah. Probably at least single-cell organisms.
Charlie Bartlett: Well, see, that's my whole point. I mean you could've been born a single cell organism on the planet Zortex. In fact, given the odds, it's probably more likely, but you weren't. You we're born a human being. And not just any human being in the history of human beings, but a human being that gets to be alive today. That gets to listen to all kinds of music, that gets to eat food from every culture. So really, you have everything to live for.

Live. Laugh. Learn. Listen. Lend. Lead. Lick. List. Love.

In Joy Your Day,
AndyHaut

The shower hit me at a different angle today

I'm having one of those days today.
I'm rushing on this cd deadline, but can't quite get the EQ right on some tracks.
A headache has decided to push against the back of my eyes at the worst time possible.
I'm out of deodorant and its down to the point that the plastic push-up thingy is scratching my pit.
My clothes don't quite fit right today.
..and I have to work in an hour.
Have you had one of these days lately?

It's one of those moments like you need an escape from reality, a need to drive for an hour, like you need to take your brain out and wash it of the crud that builds up week after week.

I haven't checked my personal spedometer, but I'm pretty sure I'd be pulled over for thinking too fast. Maybe even arrested. The breathalyzer would read "point of exhaustion" and the line for me to walk would be on the ceiling.

I've decided to give the keys to someone else for now.
To all my beautifully patient friends, the CD may come a little later than Tuesday.

I just need to give the headache some breathing room, and open the window of my mind. I need to take this CD one track at a time. I need to go deodorant shopping. I need to smile at a stranger, and make a new friend. As for my clothes, I think they need their alone time. I think I'll take some time to just be free. That's exactly why I'm writing this. Naked.

In Joy Your Day,
AndyHaut