Waking In A Winter Wonderland

If only I knew how old the house I currently reside in REALLY is before I signed the lease, I may have had more questions about its previous winter conditions.

THIS is the condition of our sink/countertop.



Not that it's ever clean or anything, but in this particular moment in time the dishes cannot be cleaned.
Due to our ancient plumbing, our pipes have frozen, leaving us waterless.

Option #1:
An over-sized redbull placed strategically under the heating vents in hopes we can produce enough water to flush the toilet with.
Though environmental-friendly, this energy capsule is a cooler. Cooler=slow.



Option #2:
Store bought.


Handy, cheap, but something mother earth doesn't deserve.

Our best/most efficient option-Friends.
The best people to have around.
Thank you to all I've bugged for a washer, shower, or lovely conversation.

Here's a diagram I've drawn on a paper plate:
It portrays how our heating system works.




As you can see, we have a big empty space under our house which holds a lot of cold air.
This is also where the water pipes are located. What an intelligent design..
Our heating vents are located on our ceiling, as far away from our bodies as they can be.
In order to enjoy the comfort of central heating, one must be completely vertical and will only be warm from the chest up (location may vary with height).
If you are on the couch, you will feel no heat whatsoever, for the cold air rising and the warm air descending meet in the middle of the room creating a scientific phenomenon.



So dearest friends,
Remember that you're not alone in these cold times, and when winter does end we will truly see that the sun is always brighter.
May you have a lovely winter,
Stay warm,
and bundle up.



With love, driving to the gas station to poop,
-andypants